Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas

By Tom Robbins

While the inventory marketplace crashes at the Thursday prior to Easter, you—an bold, even though ineffectual and never totally moral younger broker—are confident that you’re dealing with the Weekend from Hell. ahead of the industry reopens on Monday, you’re going to need to scramble and scheme to hide your butt, yet there’s no method you could count on the baffling disappearance of a 300-pound psychic, the autumn from grace of a born-again monkey, or the intrusion on your lifetime of a tattooed stranger cause on blowing your brain and so much of your fuses. Over those fateful 3 days, you can be compelled to confront every thing from mysterious African rituals to mythical amphibians, from tarot-card bombshells to highway violence, out of your personal sexuality to outer area. this is often, in any case, a Tom Robbins novel—and the writer hasn't ever been in finer shape.

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In equity to Diamond, granted a chance to explain, he may perhaps oxidize a patina of credibility on his screwball postulates. lamentably, while he says, “I'm going to invite you to contemplate that hyperintelligent entities—agents of the overmind; extraterrestrial beings, if you happen to will—could be abducting our frogs as a part of a benign scheme to unfastened us from the tyranny of the ancient continuum and reunite our souls with the other-dimensional,” you destroy his percentages through capturing on your toes, pushing prior him, and hustling from the auditorium. You pray that he will not stick with, yet as you hurry among the reflecting swimming pools and salt-white arches, almost sobbing from embarrassment and remorse—how might you have got accredited unruly physically cravings to briefly blind you to his dementia? —you listen him shout, “Wait, pussy pudding! delay! watch for me! you have not heard the punch line! ” TWELVE-SEVENTEEN P. M. The creature is the dimensions of a customary poodle. It has a physique of crunchy armor, numerous extra legs than strong style dictates; lengthy, wiggly antennae that appear to be sorting via atmospheric molecules like outdated ladies paying for tomatoes; and eyes which are all scholar and no expression, but keep on with your each circulation as though heat-seeking scanners were implanted in a couple of black golfing balls. it is a repulsive, willy-giving thing—but it is the monster beside it that scares you. After your mom threw herself in entrance of a cement truck, Grandma Mati, with stitching shears, snipped her snapshot out of each photo within the relations album, even if from Filipino superstition or traditional malice you couldn't say. at the least, you would like you had a couple of scissors in a position to slicing Larry Diamond out of the mirrored image the 2 of you're casting during this plate-glass window. On moment proposal, probably you should snip out your personal snapshot and go away his there. The window, in a storefront along which your Porsche is parked, belongs to a pest-control company and is occupied by means of a holographic cockroach as huge as an ocelot. it's the roach that's misplaced, for roaches are rather infrequent intruders within the northerly clime of Seattle, while Diamond, out of your viewpoint, will be an outbreak at any range. “My, my,” says Diamond, ignoring the truth that you've been attempting to forget about him, “it might take a frog of substantial girth to lunch in this entomological entrÉe. Makes me desirous about what the Nommo may perhaps devour. ” “Listen, Larry,” you assert, doing all your top to coat your singsong with a husky phlegm, “it isn't going to see with you and me. ” “Work out? ” He turns out really wondered. “Yes, you recognize, is not going to steer at any place. ” “Oh, you would be stunned the place it may possibly lead. ” “I wager i might. however it is not. I suggest, as a dating, it has 0 destiny. ” “Future? Oh, i am getting it. You suggest you do not foresee a pot of gold on the finish of our juicy rainbow. You suggest that our intimacy is not prone to yield a dividend. You disappoint me, Gwendolyn. I was hoping you have a watt or extra mild on your bulb than these bad toads who glance on romance as an funding, like waterfront estate or municipal bonds.

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